It all comes down to whether or not we’re listening—to ourselves.
If you’re still single and dating, you may wonder how best to tune into that wise person inside. The following tips may help you out.
Above all, no matter how lonely you may feel at the moment, remember what it was like the last time you were in a bad relationship. Is it worth it to get back into something that won’t work just to soothe your loneliness? Only you can answer that question.
7 Tips for Smarter Dating
1. Pay attention to your first impression.
Too many times we dismiss our first impressions. We don’t want to judge a book by its cover. We want to be fair to the other person.
But there are a lot of messages you receive when you first meet someone, and you need to take note of those messages, mainly because it’s the only time you’ll approach that person with a blank slate. Never again will you have the opportunity to make an assessment with nothing else in the way—no preconceived ideas, no emotions, and no underlying needs.
Take note of everything you notice, feel, and think, and consider noting those impressions in a journal after the date.
2. Listen to your body.
Our bodies give us a lot of helpful signals when we’re around other people. Listen to what your body is telling you.
Are you comfortable? Uptight? Excited? Bored? Though it’s natural to be nervous on a first date, listen to how your body reacts as you spend time around the other person. Particularly if you feel any fear or danger signals, consider carefully whether or not you want to go on another date.
3. If you want to leave, do it.
In today’s world, we have to be cautious about spending time with strangers. If you get the feeling that you don’t feel safe around someone, don’t hesitate—get out. Call a cab, make an excuse, just walk out, whatever it takes. Don’t ever put yourself in danger in the name of being polite.
In the same vein, if you simply feel there’s no way the person is right for you, why waste your time just in the name of “politeness?” The other person will thank you in the end if you don’t lead him on. You’re dating someone in the hopes of finding a suitable partner for you. You don’t owe that person a thing.
4. Listen more than you talk.
Your job on a date is to gather information to help you decide if you want to continue seeing the other person. If you’re too busy trying to impress her, for example, that you fail to allow her to reveal herself, you’ve ended the date knowing little more than you did at the beginning.
Be willing to share information about yourself, but work to balance your time between that and learning about the other person as well.
5. Look past the superficial.
When we’re dating someone, everyone puts his/her best foot forward. Sometimes it can take a few dates to get to the more important characteristics. T
here’s nothing wrong with enjoying someone’s attractive smile, great body, or cool car, but remember that these things don’t mean much when it comes to making a meaningful connection.
If you find yourself a little too twitterpated after one date, you’re probably falling more for who you think or want the person to be than who he/she really is. Give your inner voice the time it needs to make a wise decision.
6. Accept your feelings without exception!
So many of us second-guess ourselves. If you didn’t like the guy, it doesn’t really matter why. You don’t have to have a logical reason.
If she’s gorgeous but made you feel stupid, let her find someone else. Even if your friends think you’re crazy, the most important thing is how you felt around the other person, so accept your feelings wholeheartedly, and don’t feel bad about your decisions.
What’s right for you will be right for the other person as well.
7. Bottom line.
Listen to and trust your own inner voice, no matter what!