How One Traditional Publishing Failure Led to a Self-Publishing Success

by Marcus Lopes

I’m the type of person who needs rules to ground me,
and a routine to stay focused.

That was never more true than from my late teens to early twenties. That was a period in my life when I was trying to find my way in the world—figure out who I was.

In high school, I was part of the nerd squad and not popular, either. And my drive to excel made it so I had high standards for myself that I placed (unjustly) on others. Without talking to anyone, I’d been trying to reconcile being black and gay, and being raised in a religious household, I feared the worst possible reaction.

I went to university and worked, initially, on a degree that didn’t interest me. I’d been depressed without knowing what was happening because mental illness wasn’t something you talked about.

Sometimes a Set of Rules Can be a Lifeline

Amid all that chaos, rules—some of which seem silly now—were my lifeline. For example, if we agreed to meet for coffee, I expected you to be on time. I’d wait ten minutes, then I’d leave. Bus late? Why didn’t you plan ahead? (I arrived on time!) Forgot? Too bad, so sad. I didn’t want to hear your excuse.

While Everything He Thought He Knew is not a portrayal of that period of my life, it is inspired by the idea of setting rules for ourselves that serve as our moral compass. And how we can blindly stick to rules that can lead to outcomes we don’t expect. The book is also based on three short stories that were published between 2005 and 2007.

To Succeed, You Have to Let Go of Past Failures

Before even writing Everything He Thought He Knew, I had to let go of a past failure.

I took the exceptional step of writing a preface to Everything He Thought He Knew because it is, in fact, a do-over of my first book, Freestyle Love, published in 2011. The book had been picked up by a now defunct publishing house, and I thought I’d hit the literary jackpot. But Freestyle Love flopped. Big time. Although I couldn’t see it at the time, there were problems with its structure, story arc, character development, and more.

The book’s failure hit me hard, making me doubt myself and my talent as a writer.

My Growth as a Writer Allowed Me to Try Writing an Old Novel Again

For almost five years, I focused on honing my writing skills and didn’t worry about making submissions. My confidence was up, and I was ready to put my writing back out in the public sphere, and opted to go the self-publishing route. And after going through that experience, I knew it was time to go back to Freestyle Love and try again.

Why would I want to rewrite a book that had flopped? Because I had grown as a writer and believed I could now do better.

I loved the original story. Malachi was not (and perhaps still isn’t) the most “likable” of characters and Cole was a bit of a wuss. Yet there was an element of truth in their romance that would ring true with readers if I could give more depth to their characters: that the road to true love is far from perfect.

Readers needed to feel how badly Malachi had been broken by the loss of his first love, and how he’d soured on love. He became a “horrible person,” and my job was to get the reader to root for him anyway. Could I?

In the first version of the book, Cole was the doormat Malachi used to wipe his feet on. The reader might still think that in the beginning of Everything He Thought He Knew because Cole, as the poster boy of true love, is kind of pathetic. Again, my job was to show Cole’s journey of self-acceptance. More than that. That he can see, finally, his own worth and that, maybe, he can do better than Malachi.

Why My First Experience with a Traditional Publisher was Disappointing

My first experience with a traditional publisher (for Freestyle Love) was disappointing for a number of reasons. I was a newcomer on the scene and I didn’t know much about publishing. I didn’t clearly understand the publisher’s role and what was expected of me.

I naively expected to sit back and let them do all the work. I didn’t have much of a platform, and was uninformed about the ins and outs of book marketing. Also, the publishing house was acquired by a larger company, and it felt (rightly or wrongly) like I’d been cut loose to fend for myself until the book rights reverted to me.

So, after successfully self-publishing one novel, doing it again for Everything He Thought He Knew seemed natural. I like being hands on—selecting and working with the editor and proofreader, working with the cover designer and formatter—and being a part of the process from start to finish.

The biggest part of this journey was accepting that I didn’t need third-party validation. I didn’t need to wait for someone else to say, “Yes, this story is good enough. Let’s publish it.”

Now that’s up to me. And I’m prepared to put in the hard work and the long hours because the reward is knowing this is my product. I did this. Wow!

Why, When Other Indie Writers Publish So Quickly, Does it Take Me So Long?

From the moment I’d decided to write (or rewrite) this book, I’d imagined it would take six to eight months, maybe a year, to get it published. I wrote hard and fast, shaping the storyline and the characters before sending the manuscript off for editing. And when Dave, my editor, returned the manuscript and I read his feedback, I wanted to cry.

[Side note: part of the problem is that I’m always comparing myself to others. I watch other indie authors put out two, three or four books a year, and then I’m asking myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do that, too? Why is it taking me so long?”]

Dave told me the book was “very well written. The language is good throughout, everything flows well.” The problem was Malachi, who was hard to like. That made it ever more difficult for readers to root for him. This meant huge changes, like I was starting over from scratch.

Initially, I didn’t know if I had it in me.

I took about three days to synthesize Dave’s comments, got in a couple of long runs, and then thought to myself, I can do this. I’d already put in a lot of time reworking the manuscript and it seemed silly to give up at this point. Dave’s comments were right on the mark, especially when it came to bringing out the pain from Malachi’s past.

Yes, it meant it was going to take longer to get the book out. How long? I had no idea (I knew the manuscript would need another edit), but I was in this for the long haul.

Morning writing.

When I Knew I’d Nailed the Story

I kept asking myself: is this good enough? In no uncertain terms, Freestyle Love flopped. Big time. As I rewrote it and it transformed into Everything He Thought He Knew, I couldn’t get that first experience out of my mind.

I wanted this book to be better and I didn’t want it to be like most romance novels where everyone lives happily ever after. In that respect, I wanted to remain true to the original book.

In previous versions, this had been Malachi’s story. He dictated the terms of all his relationships. He was right, everyone else was wrong. Working with the feedback from my editor, it became Cole’s story, too.

After writing the scene in the hospital, and the showdown between Cole and Malachi, that’s when I knew this was more than good enough. It was better. Having Cole stand up for himself and, in a manner of speaking, say, “No, Malachi, this is how it’s going to be,” reinforced the book’s theme: the road to true love is far from perfect.

That’s when I knew I’d nailed it.

I Might Never Be a Bestseller, and I’m Okay with That

Writing Everything He Thought He Knew, I had an “aha” moment when I realized, and accepted, that my books would probably never fit nicely in one genre, be it romance, LGBT or contemporary fiction. I might never be a New York Times or USA Today bestseller, and I’m okay with that.

As a reader, I’ve always wanted to be challenged—my views, beliefs, how I see the world. It’s why the neatly bundled, happily ever after endings have never interested me. As I writer, I want to challenge the reader—how they see themselves and others in the world—and take them on an emotional, thought-provoking journey. I believe I’ve done that with this book, and that tells me something else: I’ve found my voice.

What’s the Point of Writing and Publishing?

It took longer than I’d anticipated to write and publish this book. What’s the point? Why am I doing this? Will anyone read it and care? These questions poked at me as I wrote. And they could throw me off course, slow the writing down. There I was, again, comparing myself to other writers and wondering why they could get out two or three books in the time it took me to get out one.

I learned I’m a perfectionist. As a self-published author, it’s imperative that every “t” is crossed, every “i” dotted. Editing, having the manuscript beta read, proofreading, cover design, formatting … these things take time. And when they’re outsourced, you’re working around someone else’s schedule. But it’s worth it to, in the end, deliver the best product possible.

What’s the point? It’s the question I ask myself during every writing project, and Everything He Thought He Knew was no exception.

The point is this: I cannot not write. I know, deep in my gut, it’s my calling. I must heed the call. Will anyone read it? Like it? Give a damn? I can’t worry about that. I’ve learned I must just show up and do the work.

Writing is How I Become

Writing helps me to get to the core of things—not just who I am but also who I can become.

Writing helps me make sense of this journey: where I’ve been, where I am, where I’m hoping to go.

Writing releases me from the burdens of this world and instills a sense of hope.

Writing every day is the greatest expression of myself as a human being. Writing is how I become. So, yes, writing is a spiritual practice for me.

If You Want to be a Writer, Don’t Wait for Inspiration

If you want to be a writer—either by self-publishing or going the traditional route—write. Don’t wait for inspiration. Don’t put it off until tomorrow or the beginning of the month. Start now. Begin where you are. Find a time during the day when you can write uninterrupted (I get up between 3:30 and 4:00 am to write), and stick to it.

Don’t worry if it’s good enough. Don’t expect it to be perfect the first time around. Just write. Get the words on the page. Rewrite later. Just write. Write often and much. That’s how you’ll find your voice.

Don’t listen to your Inner Critic; nothing will ever be good enough for him. Don’t listen to your friends/family/colleagues who may tell you that you’ll never succeed as a writer; they’re not chasing their dreams and are jealous you are.

Don’t give up when you receive your first rejection letter, or your eightieth; that’s just life, so suck it up. Just write.

Writing is hard work. Be in it for the long haul.

* * *

Marcus Lopés is the author, blogger, avid runner and amateur chef/baker living in Toronto, Ontario.

To learn more about Marcus, you can visit his website. You can also connect with him on Facebook and Twitter.


Everything He Thought He Knew: Some people wait a lifetime to find their true love. When Malachi Bishop meets the handsome and charismatic Taylor Blanchard in university, he knows he’s found the one. Their powerful romance quickly blossoms, and they become inseparable.

Life is perfect. But just as they’re planning to take their relationship to the next level—move into the home they bought together—Taylor is killed. Malachi’s world falls apart. He doesn’t know how to live without the man who taught him what love is all about. So, pouring his energy into his writing, he quits the “love game”—determined to never let another man into his heart, to never be hurt again.

Until he meets Cole Malcolm, a good-looking management consultant still grieving the recent death of his younger brother. With Cole, Malachi finds himself doing the one thing he never thought he’d do again: give himself over to total intimacy. But it feels too good to be true because Malachi, who’s spent the last six years running from love, doesn’t believe that there’s such a thing as second chances.

Can Malachi finally let go of the past and open himself up to love?

Available on Amazon.